Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
