wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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