so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
