some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
