i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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