THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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