Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
