even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So squirting runs in the family.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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