We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
