Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
