so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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