It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
