this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
