respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
