We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
