There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
