oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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