the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
