There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
