Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
