I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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