I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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