I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
