hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
