just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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