you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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