Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
