1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
