I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do vagina's smell?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
