It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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