Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I won the penis lottery.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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