marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it because I queefed?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
