I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
