i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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