What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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