I am puke
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
