Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
