I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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