I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
