I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They have beer where we have blood.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
