you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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