Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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