You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize