That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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