i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
