UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
