You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I cut my penus on the lid.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
