What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
