I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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