It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
