come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
