4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And then he peed in my hair
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